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Welcome to The Mod Woman. A blog about my life as a Modern Muslim Woman. I talk about all thing Modern life related. From fashion, beauty and pop culture. To creating ways to live a more fulfilled life, while navigating our modern world!

What It's REALLY Like To Be Single in Your 30's

What It's REALLY Like To Be Single in Your 30's

My birthday is Friday. I will be 38. And as I will be closer to 40 than to 30, it has gotten me thinking about what I thought my life would be like at this age versus what it actually is. Back in my early 20's I always assumed I would be married with at least one kid by the time I was 30. And for a time I was disappointed and a bit disillusioned by the fact that that didn't happen. 30 was a rough year for me for a lot of reasons. My cat of fifteen years passed away 6 days before my 30th birthday, I was in the grips of a very bad bout of depression and I was taking stock of my life and feeling that I had somehow failed. It was a very isolating time for me. 

What-Its-Really-Like-To-Be-Single-In-Your-30s

But it also feels like a lifetime ago. How I look at my life has changed quite a bit. And a huge part of that has been letting go of expectations and allowing life to be what it is. Now I look back and think about how utterly unprepared I was emotionally not only for kids but for a relationship. In a lot of ways I still feel unprepared. Only now it's because I have become so completely comfortable with my life as it is. I have realized that a lot of what I was feeling at the time was based on what I thought I should be doing at 30. "You should want to get married. You should be wanting - and having - kids by now." 

It wasn't until I let go of the "shoulds" that I was able to really take stock of my life as it is and be okay with it. 

I have realized that a lot of what I was feeling at the time was based on what I thought I should be doing at 30.

My OB/Gyn had "the talk" with me last year. If you are a woman over 30 then you know exactly what talk I am referring to. It's the "your eggs are getting old, so what do you want to do about it" talk. I knew it was coming. Every woman I know over the age of 32 has had this talk and I knew my time was coming. It didn't make me feel any less crappy about it. Because I had already had "the talk" with myself. As you get older you start that internal dialogue of, "If I get married next year I would be this age and by the time I have a baby I would be this age. It's exhausting to think about. 

So I took a deep breath and I told my Dr - who I love and who herself had two children in her mid to late 30's - what I had told myself. That I was going to let whatever is going to happen happen. Maybe I would have kids. Maybe I wouldn't. I honestly didn't know but didn't want to base my entire life's happiness on something that may never happen. That I wanted to embrace where I was and be okay with it and not spend my life looking over the fence instead of tending my own garden. And no, I can't afford the $12,000 it would take to freeze me eggs, but thanks for asking. She then regaled me with a story about her sister who froze her eggs at 35 and then met her husband a year later and had a baby and never used the frozen eggs. I think this story was told to make me feel better. And it did. 

 

She then regaled me with a story about her sister who froze her eggs at 35 and then met her husband a year later and had a baby and never used the frozen eggs. I think this story was told to make me feel better. And it did. 

My mid-30's have been a bit of a Renaissance for me. Or better yet - a coming of age. I feel more like my authentic self than I did even at 30 or even 35. I look better than I did at 30. I care less about what people think about me. I feel more willing to take chances in areas of my life where I didn't before. I am starting to truly understand what makes me feel good, what I like about myself and what I like about my life. And the truth is: I like being alone. I enjoy being single. I enjoy having my own space. I enjoy not having to share my bed or the remote or anything else for that matter. I've also realized how lucky I am at 37 - soon to be 38 - to live a relatively carefree life. I'm not responsible for any tiny little humans (though I am responsible for two fur babies). I can spend my money on whatever I like. My life and my time are my own. I don't say this to brag or to throw shade at married women or mothers. Those are both things that I haven't completely closed the door on having at some point in my life. But what I've learned in the past few years is that contentment (which I think is a far more sustainable thing than happiness) has to be about loving what you have now.  And I have a lot. 

 
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